A normal woman and man get married decide to have a baby and get pregnant. I on the other hand have 10 years of emotional craziness due to pills and hormones and tests. Finally after 10 long years tons of needles and over load of hormones just as I was ready to give up I finally got pregnant. Finally my long await pregnancy is here and I am ready to enjoy every moment of it. Just when it gets good and I start to feel my baby move hes here. 29 weeks with a very tiny baby. Its like a nightmare. I look back and think how did we get through that? A normal woman has a baby and takes them home with them. We had to leave Mikey in the hospital for 7 weeks.. 7 weeks of running back and forth from Wayne to Ridgewood twice a day to visit a child that didnt feel like ours because none of this felt real.
Finally we get our son home after all we've been through and we finally feel like a family and have such hopes and dreams for our future.
A normal parent enjoys every moment with their child watching him or her grow and explore new and exciting things that their child can do. Every child hits their milestones at their own pace but they get there within a certain period of time. Our child is 15 months old reaching milestones for a 6 month old. We pray our child can do the things a normal child does. We live our life scared and frightened about the future. We can never just play with our son. We have to do things in a certain way to help him get better.
I love my son with all my heart and I pray every day that continues to move forward and over comes this CP. I try to be so strong for him and for my husband but there is a lot of emotions inside of me that I am having trouble dealing with. No one knows what their furture holds anything can happen to anyone at any time.
I have to say that CP or no CP this child has brought us so much happiness. As you can see he smiles and laughs all the time. Hes one of the happiest kids I know. I try to focus on the happiness he brings and not the negatives that he might face but its hard. When I see kids around his age or even younger doing things hes not doing it breaks my heart. At BJS there was a 6 month old sitting in the cart by herself looking all around and my 15 month old has blankets stuffed around him to keep him sitting straight. So hard to deal with. Customers at work ask all the time oh I bet hes walking all over the place. What do I say? Im not good at lying and the whole hes a preemie thing is kinda getting old.
I had to write this to get some stuff off my chest because when I write I cry and let my emotions out. Other wise I keep them in and try and stuff them down. I dont want anyone with kids to feel they have to hide their children from me. I had someone appologize to me for telling me their 12 month old was walking. Knowing what I know about CP and other disabilities I am very grateful to see other babies reaching their milestones and I would rather be told these things then sit here thinking Oh is there something wrong because they arent doing what they should do.
Please dont feel weird around us we are a normal family dealing with lots of emotions and a diagnosis that is so scary to us. We have our good days and bad and I blog when things need to be let out. As I have said before we have now 4 great therpists working with Mikey and as bad as things sound hes doing wonderfully. The last few days hes babbling more then ever before and today we learned that after the babble should come words. :-)
I know it's one day at a time and today was a tough one for me emotionally. Tomorrow should be better! I dont even know if my blog made sense but I had to get things out. I wouldnt change any of this for the world. God brought this child to us to love and share our lives with and we will do any thing we have to do to get him the help he needs. He already has tons of love and support and a whole cheering section for him :-) How could you not love that smile :)
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